Condolence letter: what to say when someone has died
When someone you know loses a person they love, the fear of saying the wrong thing can stop you writing at all. This prompt has your todo.is agent write a short, sincere condolence letter or card message, built on a real memory you share, with no clichés and a gentle, concrete offer of help.
The prompt
- Help me write a condolence letter to [RECIPIENT NAME], whose [RELATIONSHIP TO THE PERSON WHO DIED], [NAME OF THE PERSON WHO DIED], has died. I knew them as [HOW YOU KNEW THEM]. A memory I want to share: [ONE MEMORY OR QUALITY]. Keep it under 180 words, simple and sincere, with no clichés like "everything happens for a reason", and end with a specific offer of help: [WHAT YOU CAN OFFER]. Our relationship is [CLOSE OR FORMAL]. Also give me a 2-sentence version for a sympathy card and a short message for a work colleague.
What to change
- [RECIPIENT NAME]: First name or how you would address them, e.g. "Elena".
- [RELATIONSHIP TO THE PERSON WHO DIED]: E.g. "mother", "husband", "son", "close friend".
- [NAME OF THE PERSON WHO DIED]: The name of the person who died, e.g. "Rosa".
- [HOW YOU KNEW THEM]: E.g. "Elena's mum, who ran the bakery on our street" or "a former colleague".
- [ONE MEMORY OR QUALITY]: Something true and kind, e.g. "she always saved me the last almond croissant".
- [WHAT YOU CAN OFFER]: Something real, e.g. "bringing dinner next Thursday" or "walking the dog this week". Or "none".
- [CLOSE OR FORMAL]: E.g. "close friends", "neighbors", "work colleagues" or "I only know them a little".
Example result
- Condolence letter
- Dear Elena,
- I was so sorry to hear that your mum has died. I have been thinking of you and your family all week.
- Rosa was one of the first people who made me feel at home on this street. Every Saturday she would save me the last almond croissant and ask about my exams, and she always remembered what I had told her the week before. That warmth is something I will never forget, and I know it came from a lifetime of caring for people, starting with you.
- There are no right words for a loss like this, and you do not need to reply to this letter. I would like to bring dinner over next Thursday, and I will text you first to check it is a good time.
- With love and deepest sympathy,
- Nadia
- Sympathy card version
- I am so sorry about Rosa. I will always remember her kindness every Saturday at the bakery, and I am holding you close in my thoughts.
- For a work colleague
- Dear Tom, I was very sorry to hear about the loss of your father. Please take all the time you need, and let me know if I can take anything off your plate.
- What to avoid
- • "I know how you feel" (every loss is different)
- • "They are in a better place" or "everything happens for a reason", unless you know the family shares that belief
- • Long stories about your own losses
- • "Let me know if you need anything" without a real offer
How to do it with todo.is
- Copy the prompt and fill in names, your memory and what you can offer.
- Paste it into todo.is or send it to your agent on WhatsApp. It is fine to write in your own rough words.
- Read the letter, the card message and the colleague note, and pick the one that fits.
- Reply "shorter", "more formal" or "add a line about her garden" until it sounds like you.
Tips for a better result
- Write soon. A message sent in the first weeks means a lot, but a late one is still kind and still welcome.
- Use the person's name. Grieving people often say hearing it is a comfort.
- Share one specific memory. It gives the family a small piece of the person they may not have known.
- Offer something concrete with a time, like a meal on Thursday, instead of "let me know".
- Handwrite the final version in a card if you can. Use your agent's draft as the words, and your own hand for the delivery.
condolence letter: FAQ
- What do you write in a condolence letter? Say you are sorry by name, share a memory or quality of the person, acknowledge the loss is hard, offer something specific and close with sympathy.
- How long should a condolence letter be? Short is best. A few sentences in a card or under 200 words in a letter is enough.
- Is it too late to send a condolence letter? Usually not. A message weeks or months later can still mean a lot, and you can simply say you have been thinking of them.
- Should I mention how the person died? Generally no. Focus on the person and on the family, not on the details of the death.
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